What is True Self-Care?
Who needs self-care? Literally everyone, but more specifically the people who struggle the most with saying no to others. Self-care is often misconstrued as luxury pampering or 'treat yourself' mentality, which are both wonderful things, yet not the true answer for burn out. The short answer is, just say no or think about your needs, but so many people struggle with saying no, radically so.
This means from infancy or childhood, you learned how to deny saying No to others in order to receive love, affection, safety, and attachment. You were wired to deny internal needs and authenticity of self.
This means, saying no to others in times we need to, creates an internal conflict that triggers all of our fears about attachment, so we say yes and sacrifice ourselves. The yes is how you learned to survive,
If you don't know when to say "No" or set boundaries when you need to, the body will say it for you in the form of illness (depression, anxiety, chronic illness, chronic fatigue, physical pain), according to the research done by Dr. Gabor Maté. He also states, Compulsively caretaking for the purpose of identity will lead to chronic illness.
Self-care is learning how to ask for a break, speaking up for yourself, and listening to your gut instincts about the world around you. Self-care is not martyrdom, perfectionism, or self-denial. This can be hard for people with early childhood trauma, children of addicts, neglected children because it means threatening attachment and triggering old trauma responses.
To listen to Dr. Gabor Maté's lecture on care-givers and chronic illness click the link below.